Boxers or Briefs?
by rysta cat
Summary: When Remus gets fed up with the age old question, what can he possibly do to make the torture stop? Come up with THE PLAN, of course. RLSB, LEJP. SUPRISE! I UPDATED!
1. The Plan

Disclaimer: I don't own HP and anything you recognize is not mine.

**BOXERS OR BRIEFS?**

Chapter One: _The_ Plan

What was with the lot of them? Girls are supposed to thrive on gossip, aren't they? You'd think only one or two girls would ask him, three tops, and then it would be all over the school and no one would need to ask him ever again. Right? No, that just couldn't happen to Remus J. Lupin. He was never _that_ lucky.

_And they say boys are the only ones who think with their hormones,_ he thought with disgust, rolling his eyes. _I mean, really, who bloody cares anyway? It's not like they want him fully dressed and studying, for Merlin's beard!_ _ And why, oh why,_ the poor werewolf mused, _is it that they only ask me? Those crazy girls could at least ask James or Peter or Sirius himself if they were so interested._

But why ask the sex deities or puttering little Peter when they could ask Remus Lupin? The quiet one, the one who always pays attention to details, the one who wouldn't joke about those same pitiful love-struck girls behind their backs. _And how many times have I been asked?_ he wondered. _Not just today, not just this week, not just this year, no- how many times have I been asked in the entirety that I have known Sirius?_ He attempted to compile a list of the never-ending fawners, a list that quickly began to escalate in his mind as he tried to total them up. In the end, he was both too dizzy and too horror-struck to finish counting and gave up completely.

Good god, today alone I've been asked at least twelve times, and- 

"Excuse me, um, Remus? Do you have a moment?" A shy, timid little fourth year approached him, nervously twirling a chestnut strand of hair.

_Please don't ask me, _he begged silently, a mantra formulating in his head._ Please don't ask me, please don't ask me, please don't ask me, please don't ask me, please don't-_ "Sure, Tiffany, what's on your mind?" the tawny-eyed young man inquired pleasantly, somewhat putting the girl at ease.

"Well, I was wondering…" she paused, nibbling her lip as she screwed up her courage. _Oh? You want help on the Defense homework Professor Hawkins assigned today? Of course…_ "I was just curious if, um, Sirius-" Here she blushed, and Remus' chant returned with tenfold of his original fervor. "If Sirius Black wore boxers or briefs?" she finished in a quick rush.

Remus groaned mentally, struggling to keep the amiable expression in place. _Did I say twelve times? Make that thirteen._ He sighed, managing to keep his lips from curving cruelly at the terrible irony of it all as he answered solemnly, "Boxers, Tiff. Most definitely boxers."

"Ah, thanks Remus. Thank you so much." The fourth year girl skipped away from him, hurrying to class, a triumphant flush filling her cheeks. Remus waited until she turned the corner before he slapped a hand to his face, using the other to rub his tense shoulders as he boiled in aggravation.

_I don't care if they want to be fucking obsessed with the bloody git,_ he decided darkly, stomping off to class himself. _But this is the last straw! It's got to stop!_

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plopping down in the Gryffindor common room after Herbology, Remus brushed a few shaggy golden locks out of his eyes, feeling drained. _What to do?_ he asked himself. _What can I possibly do to get them to stop asking? I know what I can-_

"Hullo Moony my lad, how dost thou fare?"

_Ah, the man of the hour._ "Bugger off, Sirius, I'm trying to think."

"Well, _sheesh_! Jimmy and I _were_ going to dignify you with an invitation to the kitchens, but if you're not going to be gracious about it-" the raven-haired boy sniffed dramatically, "-then I'm _not_ going to ask you!"

"Good, I don't want to go anyway. Bye bye now," Remus replied, letting his eyes fall shut as he sprawled out on the couch he was occupying. He listened to the boy huff, but didn't hear him move away. Sneaking a peek, he sighed, irritated. "I thought you were going to the kitchens?"

"Why don't you want to come?" the other whined, looking determined that Remus go. "It'll be fun," he added coaxingly when Remus raised an eyebrow incredulously.

"No. Now go away. I'm worn out, Sirius," he continued when he saw the slightly hurt expression fill his friend's eyes. Sirius never was good at disguising his emotions. "Please, please just go without me. You and James will have fun, you always do."

"Fine. But we're going to make you help us prank someone later whether you like it or not!" Satisfied with his exit line, Sirius stuck his tongue out at the werewolf and then flounced away. Remus groaned aloud, allowing his eyes to fall shut once more. _Nope. Getting them to stop isn't good enough…new plan,_ he decided deviously. _Operation Show Sirius How It Feels!_ He blinked at his own lack of eloquence, and groaned again. _Note to self- work on a more dignified mission name._

"Now," he muttered. "To formulate the plan." _Hmmm…_'_the plan' sounds a lot better than OSSHIF…yeah, let's call it the plan._ "Now that I've got a semi-course of action, what I need is-" his molten gold gaze raked the room, zoning in on one particular fellow seventh year. Lily Evans, desperately trying to get two third years to stop disturbing the fifth years studying for their OWLs (it was, after all, March), was unaware of the feral smirk that lit up Remus' features. "And we have an accomplice!"

The Head Girl marched his way, her frustration with the lack of cooperation apparent. Remus stood up and fell into step with the fuming redhead, smiling winningly. He was, after all, a Marauder at heart. "Good evening Lily, how are you?"

The harried girl spared him a quick, slightly curious glance. It wasn't everyday that Remus Lupin, renowned Gryffindor recluse, spoke to someone outside of a few students at the school, mainly sticking with his little band of friends and sometimes with those he tutored. "I'm quite busy actually," she replied, still walking at a fast pace. If he wanted to speak with her badly enough, she reasoned, he'd keep up. "What can I do for you Mr. Lupin?"

Another peculiarity about Lily Evans, Remus mused, she never used anyone's first name, outside of Minerva McGonagall, the transfiguration teacher, and Snape, the sniveling Slytherin. When the emerald-eyed girl cleared her throat and shot him an irritated look, he hurriedly spoke up. "Well, um, Miss Evans-" He decided that was a safe way to address her, ignoring the arched brow. "-I was wondering if you'd like some help. I know the Easter Hols are coming up, and the March Mingler," a dance, "and of course graduation, and NEWTS, and the graduation ball…and you just seem kind of swamped. I'm offering my assistance."

The girl stared at him, puzzled, and bumped absently into a student, muttering an apology as she appraised his innocent expression. "And what do you want in return?" she demanded shrewdly.

Remus sighed. "You caught me. Look, I know you're overworked, and I need a little help planning something, and you're the best. Plus, it'll be fun. Don't you need a little fun in your life, Miss Evans?"

The girl looked surprised at his honesty, then aggravated by his audacity, then intrigued. She finally slowed to a halt, drawing Remus aside in the deserted hallway. "What did you have in mind?" she asked after a moment.

"A trade off," he replied, hoping his tangible enthusiasm was as catching as Sirius' usually was. "You help me, and I help you."

"I'm interested," she decided finally, after a few moments of silence. "So, what do you 'need a little help planning'?" Remus explained the situation, making Lily laugh until tears poured down her cheeks, leaving the redhead clutching her stomach as she tried to control herself. Calming down to a few giggles here and there, she straightened, looking him straight in the eye. "Let me get this straight. You want _me_ to help _you _get a bunch of people to ask Black whether you wear boxers or briefs and pretend to be in love with you until he gets so fed up he _explodes_, and then you can laugh in his face…is that correct?"

"You put it succinctly," Remus purred, reveling in her delight. "So, are you in?"

"Are you kidding?" she countered, looking animated and energized for the first time in months. "I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
The morning following this encounter, girls all over the school received secret calling cards, all with the same thing engraved upon the parchments.

_You are cordially invited to a secret meeting in which a prank soon to be administered will be discussed. Please be present at said confidential meeting to be held tomorrow in the deserted classroom on floor five. Your attendance is looked forward to with great anticipation. If, however, you try to inform anyone of said meeting, your tongue will tie itself into a rather painful knot by a curse only removable by Madam Pomfrey. Should this punishment fail to dissuade you from speaking of said event, all that will emerge from your lips will be pure gibberish. For your own safety, please be discreet about this event. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated,_

_Sincerely,_

The Plot Committee 

All at once, parchments around the Great Hall exploded, ashes curling up into nothing and all evidence of their secret meeting vanished. Lily looked up from her previously blazing letter, and smirked at Remus, shooting him a wink. He arched a brow in return before turning to his friends, who all looked bewildered, as well as many others in the Hall.

"What the bloody dickens was that about?" Remus demanded, trying to sound genuinely interested.

"Beats me," Peter replied.

"Me thinks a plot is afoot," Sirius announced, looking grave.

"Do you really?" James inquired.

"Yup."

"Well, that doesn't mean a thing because you always think that!" James finished, smirking. "I highly doubt that there's anything going down myself. It's just some club initiation or what not."

"Yes," Remus mused, amused, "a club initiation." _In a sense._

"Ah, well this is probably nothing to worry about. We've got other things to lose sleep over," Sirius declared. "Like Potions," he added with a shudder as he stood, the other three rising as well. _Nothing to worry about?__ Oh, how little you know,_ Remus thought.

Following his friends to his first class, Remus glanced around at the girls passing him in the hallway, wondering which ones would come to the meeting and which ones would try to blab about it. He was so lost in his thoughts on his way to Potions that he didn't notice when his friends abruptly stopped right in the middle of the hall. Slamming into them, he fell backward onto the dank dungeon floor, his head cracking loudly as it made contact with the heavy stones.

"Shit! Oh god Remus, are you okay?" Sirius rushed to his side, followed by Peter. James glanced down at him, concerned, before turning to glare at the two offenders blocking their path.

"Lily, what is the meaning of this?" the Head Boy demanded, incensed.

The redhead didn't hear him though. She was staring openly at Remus, a foreign emotion swirling in the pit of her stomach. The crimson wave of blood oozing from the werewolf's head jerked her back to the present, and she flipped her wand out, ignoring James as he yanked his own out in reply. "Accio gloves," she mumbled, sliding on the floating pair that appeared almost immediately. She stepped forwards only to be stopped by the blazing chocolate gaze.

"What are you doing?" the other hissed, fear swallowing his eyes up whole.

"I'm going to help him, Mr. Potter. That is, if you'll let me."

There was a long pause, filled by Sirius' yells for Remus to stay awake, and Remus' sweet melodious voice murmuring something back, something that sounded suspiciously like 'but I'm so sleepy.'

James finally stepped away, letting her pass. Her companion tried to follow, but James stood firm, his glare returning. "Sorry Snape, but there's no way in hell I'm letting you through." The black-eyed boy stepped back, merely shrugging, his look of indifference never wavering.

"Oh, Mr. Potter, now is not the time to bring up childish differences," Lily interrupted, looking up from her now bandaged patient. "Severus is bound to have some potion or another that will help alleviate Mr. Lupin's pain."

Growling, Sirius stood up, placing a gentle hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Come on, James, let him help. We may not like him, but if Lily believes he'll help, then he'll help."

James' eyes clouded over with hatred, but he backed away. "If anything happens to him," he hissed as the Slytherin swept past him, "I'll kill you."

Rolling his eyes, Snape stepped forward, wand at the ready. "What do you think he'll suffer from, Lily? Headaches, obviously, and probably some pain where he smashed his skull."

"Let's just go for a small pain killer," Lily decided, still inspecting Remus with pokes and prods.

Nodding, Snape reached into the folds of his robes and pulled out a small box, which he quickly enlarged to original size. Rummaging through the various containers, he pulled out two bottles containing a translucent potion each, both without labels. Biting his lip, he gazed from one to the other, a small bit of uncertainty hovering in his chest. Finally, the boy shoved both potions into Lily's hands, eyes filled with dark malice.

**~**

INSERT EVIL LAUGHTER HERE…

This idea was popping around in my head right before I fell asleep and I just HAD to indulge it.

Feedback is an ideal concept.

-the author


	2. Please, Kind Eyes

Disclaimer: I don't own HP and anything you recognize is not mine.

Reviewers:

Thanks Char/Char's cousin…so is wow a good thing? And don't worry, I will send more on Infatu…I'm just struggling for time right now…this little fic is meant to blow off steam.  Aww, y'all think I'm sweet? I feel really loved! Love to see your emails every now and then, been missin em. I'll try to write more, I swear

LeilaRose! How can you love sweet Remmie injured?  Well, since you seem to like the idea, I think you'll be pleased with this chapter…

PWeatherby- thank you! And Snape always looks evil, am I right?  No, I actually love the idea of him pretending to be a hardass when he's really a softie!

. ---um, interesting name there…odd how? I'm curious now and I hope you follow up!

Willow Myst- do I agree! They're simply adorable!

Rynne Lupin- yes yes, I am going to finish Infatuation, not to worry! I love that story, its just, any and all installments that I've put up are left over from last summer!  With the majors I take so long and I need the relaxed time of the summer to really concentrate and plot or I send myself in circles. Sorry about the exclamation points, I was trying to be interesting…notice they're not HERE anymore, eh? Anything for the readers…

Frodo- don't be too hard on the poor fellow! He's too busy being dark and brooding to work on his hair, that's all!

Mai Black- thank you! I appreciate your review greatly…is my writing style truly understandable? Because sometimes I catch myself writing the way I think and I think in a long, continuous line of disjointed subjects, so…yeah

Bronfelen- hope you're still intrigued when you're done! And promise, I WILL get Infatu up and running soon.

And to savannah- thanks for the emails, I updated sooner just because you were so persistent

And now, the epic question! Er…make that story…

BOXERS OR BRIEFS?

refresher:

Nodding, Snape reached into the folds of his robes and pulled out a small box, which he quickly enlarged to original size. Rummaging through the various containers, he pulled out two bottles containing a translucent potion each, both without labels. Biting his lip, he gazed from one to the other, a small bit of uncertainty hovering in his chest. Finally, the boy shoved both potions into Lily's hands, eyes filled with dark malice.

Chapter Two:  Please, Kind Eyes

Lily glanced up, appreciation on her lips, when she noticed the look in her friend's eyes.  Narrowing her own emeralds, she scowled at him, before examining the two potions herself.  "Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, could you do me a favor?" she asked innocently, still observing Snape.

"Anything," Sirius responded quickly, James nodding in turn.

"Will you please go explain to Professor Tuppleton why the six of us are not present in her class?  I'd be ever so grateful."  At their show of hesitance, she added, "You two are, after all, the most persuasive students in the school."  The two boys nodded, heading off in the direction of the dungeons.  Lily turned to face Peter, who was busily tending the task she'd given him.  "Is Mr. Lupin still awake Mr. Pettigrew?"

"Yes Lily, he's hanging in there."

"Good.  You're doing wonderfully Mr. Pettigrew.  Keep up the good work."  Turning to Snape, she pulled him aside, far enough away that neither Peter nor the half awake Remus could overhear.  "Severus Snape!  I trusted you to help me out here!  What is the meaning of that smirk and these two potions?!" Lily half-whispered, half-shrieked, looking absolutely pissed.

"Look, Lily, it's not a big deal.  The thing is," he explained with a heavy sigh, "the labels on these bottles fell off and these two potions are exactly alike in all delectability tests.  There is no way to tell a difference, except in taste.  And by then, it's too late."

"Too late?  Severus, what exactly do these potions do?"

"Well, one of then, Painus Revictus, takes away any and all pain for up to 48 hours.  And the other…" he paused, amusement painted all over his face.

"The other…" Lily coaxed, looking only slightly murderous.

"The other is a potion called Bono Projectus."

Lily's eyes widened immediately as the light went on in her mind.  "If you're saying what I think you're saying…oh, god Severus, you've got to be kidding me!  What the hell do you use this potion for anyway?"  
  


"I was planning on slipping it in Professor Flitwick's goblet, actually.  And maybe Professor Dillings' too."  At Lily's disgusted look, Snape frowned.  "What?"

"Ugh, never mind.  Tell me, if these two potions are consumed together, what's their reactivity level?"

"So low it's almost imperceptible.  But there's only one problem…"

"What might that be?"

"Bono Projectus contains a large amount of moonflower."

Lily looked confused.  "So?"

"You know, moonflower, the opposite of wolfsbane?"

"And?" she huffed, aggravated.

"In some males…" he trailed off, watching her nose crinkle in distaste.  "Oh, never mind!  If you can't figure it out, then I'm not going to tell you."

"Will it be detrimental to his health?"

"No."

"Then we're administering both potions, end of story."

"Fine.  But when Black and Potter try to kill me, you better be there to save my ass."

"Pft, what a Slytherin."  Turning, Lily walked over to Peter and Remus, kneeling down next to them.  "How's he holding up, Mr. Pettigrew?"  
  


"Fairly well," the other boy whispered, staring avidly down at his friend.

"All right, Mr. Lupin-"

"Loony," the other boy moaned faintly.

"Loony?" Lily asked, puzzled.

"That's what everyone calls me here."

"Where's here, Mr. Lupin?"

"That's my dad.  I'm Loony.  Everyone here at Gaila calls me that.  Didn't you know?" he peered up at her, his eyes wild and fearful.  "I'm Loony Loopy Lupin.  Are you from around here?  No, no, you must not be.  Your eyes are too kind."

"Too kind?" Lily choked.

"Don't tell him I spoke to you, please, Kind Eyes.  Don't tell anyone, I swear, it was only a loaf of bread, and I promise, I'll never speak to you again.  Please, please don't tell him!"

"Tell who?" she persisted, tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Kind Eyes, I can't tell you who.  Just don't tell him."

"I promise.  Now, Mr. Lupin, I-"

"No!" Remus yelled, whimpering uncontrollably as his body began to tremble.  "You said you wouldn't tell him," he moaned, over and over again, eyes blind with terror.  "You said you wouldn't tell him!"

"Oh god," Lily gasped, her hand flying to her frozen lips, her heart breaking in two.  "Oh god no."  
  


"Merlin," Snape whispered, his eyes filled with dusky memories.

"Move out of the way, you greasy git!  What did you do to him?" Sirius howled, running up to them.  "What did you do?!"  He lowered himself to his friend's side, trying to comfort the writhing boy.  James charged at Snape, his eyes filled with unchecked murder.

"James!" The boy froze, turning slowly to look at the girl who had never once called him by his given name.  "James, no, it wasn't Severus, it wasn't anyone, he just, he's delirious, and when I called him Mr. Lupin he went hysterical.  He told me-" her voice cracked perceptibly.  "He told me to call him Loony, everyone does.  He called me Kind Eyes, and begged me not to tell 'him'…I think he was talking about his dad."

Meanwhile, Sirius was trying to calm Remus, arms wrapped around the struggling teen, trying to restrain him, soothe him.  Snape procured a calming potion, handing it to Lily, and with the help of James and Sirius, she shoved it down the frantic young man's throat, soon followed by the other two potions.

Remus stopped flailing, collapsing limply into Sirius' arms, the ebon haired boy looking slightly panicked by his position.  "Is he dead?" Peter whined, looking queasy.

"No, Pettigrew.  Just knocked out."  Shock overtook the venom normally present in Snape's tone.

"Did you three know about this?" Lily demanded

"Know about what?" James asked, startled out of his anxiety.

"Know that Mr. Lu- that Remus was abused at home," the girl rasped, still hearing Remus' cries in her mind, echoing over and over.  She shuddered, knowing she would never call him 'Mr. Lupin' ever again.

"N-no," Sirius stuttered, somewhat cradling his friend.  "I had no idea."

She shifted her gaze to James who shook his head, still looking stunned.  Finally, she turned to poor trembling Peter, who stared at the ground avidly, muttering softly, "Yes."

"WHAT?!" two enraged shouts filled the air.  Peter squeaked and ducked his head even more, wanting to disappear.

"How long have you known, Wormtail?" Sirius exploded, looking ready to kill.

"I-"

"Siri, why you yelling s' loud?" a barely audible voice queried.  Five pairs of eyes flew to the conscious Remus, the owner of the delicate childlike voice.  "It hurts my head."

"Remmie, oh Remmie, are you alright?" Sirius bombarded him with his concerns, quickly jerking his arms from around the small frame.  "I'm sorry I yelled."

"It's okay," he replied, staring up at all of the others.  "Miss Evans, what're you doing here?"

"I just, um, was going to speak with you about something, but now doesn't seem like a good time."

"Sure it is," the other slurred, already drifting off to sleep again.  "Now's…" he yawned.  "Now's perfect."

"Later, Lupe.  Later."  With that, Lily turned and walked down the hall, Severus in tow, leaving the other three to deal with their slumbering friend.

~!~

Ta-da! I updated.

Okay, it's only 1180 words, but still, aren't you just a bit pleased? Cause I am!

I love reading reviews…too bad I don't feel the same way about A Farewell to Arms…I mean, really, Ernie, did you have to be so DULL?

-the author


	3. Burning Inside

Sorry about the delay guys, I am seriously running ragged here!  I have so many major tests and stuff coming up…you'd think that, approaching May and all, the workload would be slowing down, but it gets bigger by the second! Also, I haven't given up on any of my other stories (many of you have asked about infatuation) I just don't have the time to write at all…this has been written painstakingly over the past month or so, so be nice…I know it's short. Anyways, on with the normal bits and pieces!

Disclaimer: I don't own HP and anything you recognize is not mine.

Reviewers: Sorry, I normally like to address everyone with the time and energy they deserve after spending their personal time to review my stuff, but it seems I myself have no time, so I can't.  Just so you all know, I appreciate your acknowledgement of my writing, and your support keeps me going.  Hope you like the next installment.

BOXERS OR BRIEFS  
  


refresher:

"I just, um, was going to speak with you about something, but now doesn't seem like a good time."

"Sure it is," the other slurred, already drifting off to sleep again. "Now's…" he yawned. "Now's perfect."

"Later, Lupe. Later." With that, Lily turned and walked down the hall, Severus in tow, leaving the other three to deal with their slumbering friend.

~!~

And now,

Chapter Three:  Burning Inside

Remus slept for the rest of the morning, and for half of his afternoon classes.  In fact, he only just made it to Double Defense on time, and on an empty stomach.  That night, Sirius and James removed the bandage from Remus' head, checking for any infection.  They were surprised to find his scalp completely healed, and their friend without pain.

"Guess Snape really does know a thing or two about brewing potions," James mused, looking surprised.

Remus chuckled.  "Well, duh, he's even better than Professor Tuppleton, and she's supposed to be the best and oldest alive."

"Oh.  She's the best?" Sirius asked, looking surprised.  "But I thought she was just a crazy old bat."

"Uh, no.  Sorry, guys, but I'm feeling kind of beat."

"Remus, you should have said something sooner," Sirius admonished.  "To bed, to bed, right now, and I don't want to hear another peep out of you."

Rolling his eyes, Remus complied, climbing into bed and shutting his curtains tight.  However, he didn't drift off to sleep for another half hour, thinking sleepily of the meeting to be held tomorrow.

~-~

  
Remus climbed out of the steamy shower stall, eyes still groggy with sleep.  Slipping back into the dorm room, he looked over his clothes, trying to find something to wear.  He'd forgotten, after all, that today was "Free Form," a day where students could pick and chose what they wanted.  At least, he'd forgotten until Sirius had bounced into the dorm, dressed in blue jeans and a raggedy tee.  James followed in similar fashion, sporting khaki shorts and a red long-sleeved shirt.  In fact, his two rambunctious friends were awaiting his arrival in the Common Room so they could go to breakfast.  Grabbing some baggy blue jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt with silver streaks heading vertically down both sleeves, he quickly changed, yanking on his favorite boxers.  Running his fingers quickly through his golden hair, he snatched up his books and made a dash down the stairs.

"Read-y?" Sirius asked as he whirled around, voice fading when he caught sight of his friend.  He let out a wolf-whistle.  "Damn, Remus, looking sexy today.  Which cute young bird are you trying to charm, anyway?"

The other blushed.  "I'm not trying to charm anyone."  James wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Remus gave the two a shove towards the portrait hole, scowling as he followed.

Breakfast was a colorful affair, with all students taking advantage of the fun day, getting into the spirit of spring.  The three sat down in their usual seats, and morning commenced as usual.  Sirius and James wolfing down their food while flicking cereal at each other.  Peter eating as much as his friends but with more style.  Remus himself grabbed a banana, his fruit choice of the day, and slowly began to peel it, lost in thought.  Before he knew it, he'd eaten the whole thing.  Dazed, he looked up, and caught his friends staring at him, as well as some others.

"Fuck Remus," James hissed, coloring.  "What the hell was that?"

"What was what?"

"Shit Sirius, do you believe this?  He's pretending to have no idea what I'm talking about."

Sirius didn't respond, he was too busy trying to get himself under control.  Remus was about to demand that someone explain to him what the hell was going on (as well as why a half-dozen strangers looked like they wanted to eat him alive) when he suddenly felt dizzy, everything around him going blurry.

A hazy heat enveloped him, swallowing him, caressing him, taking him in whole.  His heartbeat sped up, pumping faster and faster, the thumps loud and obnoxious to his over-sensitive ears.  He was aware of nothing and everything all at once, and his body flooded with the feeling.

  
Remus gasped as he felt the heat pushing at his skin, singeing his heart, his soul, his mind, to the very tips, and he burned with the intensity of a thousand bon-fires.  _Is this hell?_ the werewolf wondered vaguely, glancing around him.  The Great Hall was exactly the same as always, but then it wasn't, too. Thousands of chattering voices beat on the walls of his skull, thudded on his eardrums like a drum line in competition.  The amber-eyed teen was delirious with it, whatever it was, the fervor multiplying on itself as every second passed, pushing Remus to the brink of something terrifying and wonderful all at once.

Suddenly icy cold pierced his flame-induced daydream, and Remus focused his empty gaze on his friends, all whom looked very concerned.  The ice caressed his arm again, and he shifted his focus to the fingers stroking his inflamed skin, following the fingers to the hand, then the wrist, up the tanned arm, over the cloth covered shoulder and the seductive dip of the collarbone, the full corded throat, the strong jaw line, the full lips, the prominent nose, and his own amber swirls dove into an ocean of deep blue, into the eyes of Sirius Black.

The forgotten fingers stroked again, gripping harder, tighter, quicker, as the worry on his friend's face deepened.  Remus moaned huskily, battling the urge to either yank his arm away or press into the innocent touch.  The sensuous contact immediately vanished, and Remus moaned again at the loss of the feeling.  Lust bloomed desperately in his veins, surging down to his waiting loins, his jeans tightening in an exhilarating way.  He whined, searching blindly for contact, for release, for anything, but couldn't seem to grasp a solid object in his obscure state.  He felt weightless but held down by the growing need to be set free.  He whimpered softly, pathetically.

A voice smooth and soft as black velvet called out to him, causing the mist clouding his mind to evaporate into swift clarity.  "Moony…what's wrong, Moon?"  He was no longer aware of everything all at once, leaving his body feeling like an empty shell.  The voice, familiar this time, called again.  "Moony, you're scaring me.  Come back to us, Remus, please come back."

With Sirius' voice, his body filled again, no longer drowning in a sea of heat but no longer empty and wraithlike.  He felt the raging hard on pulsing against his pants, and had the decency to blush a brilliant scarlet.  _What in the flying fuck was _that_? _Remus wondered, panicked.  _Oh god, this is the most mortifying moment of my entire life.  I've got to get out, I've got to get out. Oh!_

A wave of desire flashed through his senses like wildfire, and he subconsciously rocked his hips as fast as possible, eyes widening in both horror and pleasure as his dick rubbed deliciously against his boxers, the friction so slight and teasing that he knew he had to have more.

Remus focused again, yanking his mind from the numbing pleasure to the stares of his friends.  He forced himself to still the motion of his hips as he met James' winking hazel eyes, eyes that were clouded over with concern.  Peter was biting his thumbnail, his pale, watery eyes wide with fear.  And Sirius…

_Oh god, Sirius is sitting next to me.  He knows what I was doing to myself!_  This thought was punctuated by a groan.  _If you don't look at him now,_ he reasoned desperately, _then you will never look at him again._  Turning slowly, Remus once again followed the path from the fingertips to his best friend's eyes.

  
Sirius was breathing heavily, his breath puffing softly out of his mouth, which was slightly ajar.  His eyes were a heavy, almost black shade of midnight blue, his pupils dark and huge in the depths.  Shock was the only emotion Remus could detect, and he turned away, feeling first the shame and fear, and also, faintly, the scream for release.

Remus cleared his throat huskily, subtly waving his wand as he summoned a glamour charm to shield his engorged shaft.  "I…I have to go," he breathed, shooting to his feet.

He was already halfway down the aisle when James' startled baritone grabbed his attention.  "Remus!  Where are you…what just happened?!"

The golden-haired teen scurried out of the Great Hall, ignoring the protesting calls coming from James and Peter.  Sirius remained silent.

Every step he took was both agonizing and glorious, and it was all he could do not to collapse right there in the hall and relieve himself.  Mere self-control saw to it that he reached the nearest lavatory, and he slammed hastily into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, grinding the lock into place.  Breathless and heaving with the exhilaration, he slid bonelessly to the chilling, damp floor and shoved his hand into his tented pants, choking on a moan at the first heated contact.

"Yes," he hissed, his thumb tortuously circling the tip of his hardened cock before sliding up to grip himself at the base.  Stifling his cry of pleasure, Remus steadily began to rub his fist up and down his dick, fingers sliding smoothly against the heated flesh.  He wailed erotically as his pants constricted further, and desperately, the werewolf fumbled with the zipper to his jeans, sighing in relief and yearning as his cock sprang free, nearly drawn up to his stomach in want.  He whimpered and his hand sped up, torturously bringing him to the brink of gratification, holding him teetering on the sharp, stabbing edge as he burned in satisfaction, in the pure, ultimate ecstasy before falling blindly into the sleepy warmth and harmony of completion.  With a howl of true, undying pleasure, he collapsed limply into oblivion.

~-~

Okay, so what did you think, really?  I was trying to make it as erotic as possible, but I'm a vigin smut puppy, so…what's the public's response?

I will try to keep up with my writings more. Until then, ta!

The author


	4. Mood Swings

Disclaimer: I don't own HP and anything you recognize is not mine.

Reviewers: Long time, no update! I'm truly sorry, please read the next installment before damning me to eternal persecution. Senior year, boys, my 18th b-day, work, etc etc are all to blame for this delay. I will work towards more updates, promise. I really appreciated all the reviews, the feedback is wonderful. I'm thinking about trying to write something completely original and I hope I can do it. Your positive words help me pursue this seemingly impossible dream. Thanks, and finally, the story:

BOXERS OR BRIEFS

refresher:

With a howl of true, undying pleasure, he collapsed limply into oblivion.

And now, I present the long awaited

Chapter Four: Mood Swings

He came to listening to a nearby panting, accompanied by breathless giggles. Immediately alert, he scanned his surroundings only to wish the ground would swallow him up whole. He had fled to a _girls_ lavatory, of all places, to get off for apparently no reason at all. _And what an unbelievable wanking it was,_ a darker, primal part of his mind reminded his more sensible side. He would have agreed more than wholeheartedly under other circumstances but for the fact that he had one horny, blushing ghost staring at him like he was the most mouth-watering being to ever cross her path.

Blushing himself, Remus slowly sat up and cleaned up his attire and surroundings with a cool swish, trying to think of what he could possibly say. Myrtle beat him to it. "My, my," she drawled, giggling again. "If that wasn't the most erotic performance I've ever seen, then by God, may he send me to hell because I wouldn't survive anything else. Are you a god?"

"Um, no. I'm a student."

"Lord," the image fanned herself, looking ready to have her own orgasm at any moment.

"Look, I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention this to anyone," he mumbled, cheeks glowing.

"Of course, Tasty," she agreed, giving him a lewd, heated wink. "I wouldn't want to share the show, now would I? Come back soon, alright?" she added hopefully, practically panting again.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Shuddering, Remus lurched to his feet and dashed out of the bathroom waving as a faint goodbye echoed in his ears. Glancing at his wristwatch, he cursed, speeding up as he made a dash for Charms, which he had two minutes to get to. He realized as he raced halfway across the school that he didn't have his book bag and hoped that one of his friends had grabbed it for him.

The blonde skid into the Charms classroom two minutes later, panting heavily as he felt the pairs of eyes glued to his frame. Flushing even more, he faced Flitwick, who was frowning. "Now, Mr. Lupin, it's not like you to be late," the dwarf grumbled, staring up into his tawny eyes.

Remus swallowed heavily. "I- I know sir, but I was feeling ill at breakfast and have only just now started feeling better."

"He did rush out of breakfast in an awful hurry this morning," a fellow 6th year Hufflepuff announced, giggling nervously when all eyes turned to her.

"Alright, Mr. Lupin, have a seat. There's no sense in punishing you for something you can't control. Now, as I was saying…" Remus tuned the middle-aged wizard out as he headed to the back of the classroom where his three friends sat, each with a different expression: Peter was worried, James was suspicious, and Sirius- Sirius couldn't even look at him, and his face was impassive. _Great.__ Just great._

As soon as class let out, Remus snatched up his satchel and made a dash out into the corridor, leaving his friends behind him.

"Remus!" James' frustrated yell echoed in the crowded hall. _Damn James and his persistence_, Remus thought, jogging faster. "Bloody hell Moony!" Remus heard a grunt and then felt James' body collide with his, sending both boys tumbling to the floor.

"Merlin, you don't listen, do you?" the messy-haired young man panted, sitting on top of his friend.

"Not if I can help it," Remus mumbled, drawing a weak laugh from James.

"Jimmy boy?" Sirius' voice boomed overhead. "What are you and Rem doing on the bleeding floor?"

"We're collecting dust. It's my latest obsession. I want to fill the whole dorm up by graduation. Will you help me?"

"Sure!" the ebon-haired lad plopped himself down next to his two friends, eyebrows raised.

Peter, who was standing behind Sirius, looked irritated by his friends' immaturity. "I have to go to Divination. See you guys at lunch," he murmured, leaving quickly.

They all called goodbyes and then turned back to the situation at hand. Sirius spoke first. "Um, hope you don't mind me asking, but exactly how long do you plan to sit here? We have Transfiguration in five minutes."

Remus groaned, shaking his head, and James rolled his eyes. "Never mind, Sirius. Remus, what the hell is up with you today? You're all weird and jumpy."

Remus cleared his throat nervously. "Jumpy?" He darted a look at Sirius, who looked equally concerned, before schooling his features completely and giving James his full attention. "Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I suppose," he admitted at last, half honestly.

James gave him a piercing look before nodding and standing up, giving a hand to his friend. While Remus dusted himself off, Sirius proceeded to scoop up more dust and grime by sliding his hand along the stone floor, a devilish gleam glittering in his eyes. Before Remus could give warning, for he'd seen that look on many occasions, a look that in past dealings with the black-haired boy always spelled trouble, Sirius jumped up from his sprawled position and proceeded to ruffle James' untidy mane, viciously scrubbing the dust balls into his best friend's hair.

"_Sirius_!" James squawked indignantly, darting out of reach to prevent further damage. "You bloody ingrate!"

"What? I thought you were starting a collection," Sirius replied innocently, batting long black eyelashes. "Besides, you were asking for it."

James shot him a dark look and Remus rolled his eyes, starting off to Transfiguration with the other two in tow, still bickering.

"I was not!" James hissed vehemently, trying to repair the disaster that was his current hairstyle. Remus had to admit it was looking quite worse than usual and that _was_ saying something.

"You were too."

"I was _not_!"

"Definitely were."

"No I wasn't! Take it back now!"

"No, I don't think I will. Why, you may ask? Because you _were_."

"Was not! Was not! Was not!"

"Oh you so were. I mean, let's look at the evidence," Sirius reasoned, ticking them off on his slender fingers as they entered the classroom. "One, you tackled Moony for no reason. Two, you were collecting dust for shits and giggles _and_ you did not intend to share this collection with me, no less! And finally, you left me on the floor to fend for myself. 'Here Moony, let me help you up. Here Moony, let me watch you dust off your robe. Here Moony, let's ignore Sirius completely,'" Sirius mimicked, pouting as he threw himself into his usual seat at the back of the classroom. "Really, you're lucky I only rubbed dirt in your hair. Gods! And to think I was being merciful."

There was a long silence and then Remus burst into a gale of unrestrained laughter, a musical sound rarely heard even by his friends. Several students already in the class looked up, started by such a rarity, as Sirius glared incredulously at his traitorous friend and huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. James too began to laugh, partially amused by the tears glittering in Remus' eyes and partially amused by the childishness of it all. "Merlin, Padfoot, did you even hear yourself?" the werewolf barely managed to pant out.

"What?" he demanded, blue eyes sparking.

"And I quote!" Remus managed between laughs. "'Really, you're lucky I only rubbed dirt in your hair.'" Remus laughed some more, tears streaming, clutching his stomach as he rasped out, "Merciful! For the love of the stars, Pads, but you are one hell of a riot!"

"I am not!" the boy grumbled, facing the front of the classroom and ignoring his two friends completely. "And this is the last time I'll speak to you until you apologize."

"Oh Mr. Black, not another tantrum! And so early in the day?" Lily tutted as she took a seat, surprising everyone when it was next to Remus, who half-smiled at her, shyness pouring off him.

"I do not have tantrums!" Sirius stated indignantly. "And if you're going to sit next to _him_, then I won't be speaking with you either!"

"And that will be such a loss, I assure you," Lily muttered sarcastically, shooting a wink toward Remus who was looking slightly downcast. His eyes lit up and his lips curved a bit, and Lily bobbed her head in satisfaction. "So Lupe, how are you fairing this fine day? Any headaches?"

"You mean besides the ones these two provide daily?" Lily grinned and nodded. "No, actually. I will have to hunt down Severus and thank him properly. I don't believe I was in much of a state to do so, and I doubt James or Sirius did the thing appropriately."

Lily hummed her agreement as she shot a spiteful glance at the black haired teens at the table next to them, catching James' eye as she casually replied, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that saying 'move you greasy git' is not an appropriate thank you."

Remus whirled to face his fellow Marauders. "James, Sirius! You didn't!" His eyes were begging the two to deny the statement.

"Well…" James drew the word out, unsure of what to say and dreading the disappointment that would definitely follow if he didn't think of an excuse fast. He elbowed his best friend, looking for support, but Sirius only glared at the werewolf.

"I hardly think," he began sourly, "that I should answer that, seeing as you haven't apologized yet. Besides, it's not fair for you to get mad at me when I'm already mad at you! You're just turning it all around, and I won't have it." Recrossing his arms over his chest, he turned to face the front again. "And we _did_ call him a greasy git." The words 'so there' were implied, and Remus' face erupted like a thundercloud.

"Fucking bloody hell, Sirius! Where do you get off making everything about you!" The amber-eyed teen leapt from his chair as though electrocuted and stormed from the classroom, once again leaving his book bag behind. Everyone in the classroom stared after him, eyes round. Professor McGonagall, who had entered the room just in time to witness the outburst and hasty exit, shakily set her own bag down on her desk.

"Would someone please go after him?" she asked finally, looking pointedly at the two remaining marauders sitting in the last row of seats. Sirius and James were frozen in shock, completely unmoving, eyes wide, mouths open. Lily rolled her eyes in disgust and raised her hand confidently. "Professor McGonagall, ma'am, you and I already covered this lesson in private. I wouldn't mind checking on him."

McGonagall's eyes briefly focused on the girl and she nodded her head, still glancing at James and Sirius every five seconds. "You may be excused," she murmured, still shocked herself. As Lily exited, she shook it off and said loudly, "Alright, students, please turn to chapter eight and read the first section. You have twenty minutes." Books slammed onto desks as one student after another rushed to comply, hearing the commanding impatience in her voice. "Potter, Black!" The teacher's voice cracked out like a whip and the two boys immediately gave their attention. "Get out your books, please, and read the assignment." Turning, she went to the board and began scratching out the day's lesson, wondering vaguely what in Hogwarts had sent the naturally amiable werewolf flying off the handle.

-

Don't worry, we'll soon be back to our original destination, the PLAN! However, I can never seem to resist wandering into a little angst, but as my beloved English teacher says, conflict creates something worth reading.

I will try to get the next installment up soon.

Love, the author


	5. Emotional Rollercoaster

Update! Thanks for all reviews!

Chapter Five: Emotional Rollercoaster

"Remus?" Lily called, slowly making her way down the hallway. _There are only so many places he could be_, she thought with frustration. Suddenly, genius struck her. "Finido Remus Lupin." Her wand gently began to tug her back the way she'd come, stopping in front of a portrait of the Forbidden Forest under a full moon. The trees swayed and groaned as the wind whistled through their branches. Then, Dumbledore stepped into the frame, looking windblown himself.

"Ah, Miss Evans! What can I do for you? I do believe you're supposed to be in class."

"Professor McGonagall gave me permission to check on Remus. My locator spell says he's behind this portrait."

"I see. Well, normally you'd need a password, but I think that under the circumstances, I'll just let you in."

Lily beamed. "Thank you."

As the portrait slid to the side, Lily stepped through to find Remus sitting on the edge of a colossal four-poster bed, sheer silk black hangings halfway parted to make room for him, surrounded by vast amounts of blue silk sheets spilling over the edges. A heavy comforter and fluffy pillows, both black, completed the look. Momentarily stunned, Lily took a glance around the small room.

A maple wood desk surrounded by bookshelves occupied a little niche in the corner next to the bed, and the bed faced a humongous fireplace that was currently roaring, with a blood red armchair hidden in the adjacent corner. A grandfather clock with a large pendulum swinging back and forth filled the room with comforting ticks from its position on the other side of the bed. Looking closely at the face of the clock, Lily realized that it wasn't a normal clock, but had four hands on it, one with each marauder's name and picture on it. Instead of numbers, there were locations and, in smaller lettering on each hand there was an emotion. Sirius and James were in class and, according to the clock, in severe shock. Peter was also in class, feeling frustrated. And Remus was placed at home, feeling angry and forlorn.

"So you found me," he grumbled, curling into himself as he slid farther back behind the hangings, veiling his expression.

"Yeah, it's amazing what magic can do for you," she joked, trying to lighten the mood. When the redhead didn't receive a response, she cleared her throat and tried again. "What's wrong, Lupe?"

"What potions did you give me yesterday Lily? Because I know that there aren't any healing or calming potions that have moonflower in them."

"How did you-"

"Know? Well, at first I didn't. But it came to me just now as I was sitting here, so I want to know…what did you give me?"

"Well, I did give you a healing potion. And a calming one. The thing is, the healing potion and another potion Severus had, had lost their labels so I had no way to tell which was which. Evidently they're only distinguishable by taste. Now that I think about it, Severus warned against administering both potions, but I didn't listen because he'd said there was no reactivity between the healing potion and the other and I didn't want to take any chances with your health."

"He warned you against using it?" Remus breathed.

"Um-hum…he said something about moonflower as well…what's going on here?"

"What was the potion?"

Lily blushed. "_Bono Projectus_."

Remus began to laugh. "Oh _god_, what was he doing with that?"

Emerald eyes shot him a mock-glare. "Severus has no problem getting it up, Lupe! He just thought he'd help some of the staff out, that's all." Remus' eyes went huge and he laughed hysterically for the second time that day.

"As to your question, Lily, moonflower has the effect on…some males of sensitizing their emotions, sending them to all extremes. For example, my explosion at Sirius probably wouldn't have happened. Neither would have the two bouts of laughing uncontrollably." _Or that episode at breakfast_, he thought, amused _But then again, that was just the Bono Projectus…I just overreacted because of the moonflower_. "Now that I've got that sorted out, I remembered that you wanted to speak with me yesterday. What about?"

"Oh, _that_. I wanted us to present a united front at the meeting later on today. Have all the details straight, you know, be prepared."

Remus's lips curved slightly in his trademark almost-smile. "Sounds lovely, Miss Evans. Absolutely lovely."

"I knew you'd concur."

A tawny eyebrow arched. "'Concur?' My my, aren't we eloquent?"

"Only when _we_ want to be," Lily snarked. Impressed by her companion's regal expression, she attempted to return the blasé eyebrow arch and failed enormously. Remus continued to arch his right eyebrow, obviously unaffected by her effort, and finally she admitted defeat with a burst of giggles. "You, on the other hand, have the gift of both mouth and body."

Remus outright grinned, surprising Lily with his shy but stunning expression, and grabbed her wrist, yanking her towards the door to his room. Lily dug in her heels. "Where are you taking me?" she demanded.

"To Transfiguration."

"Why? I thought we were going to talk about the plan."

Remus stopped mid-step. "Oh. Right. Well damn, we'll just have to go later."

"Um, you can, but we're excused for the whole period and unlike you, I have absolutely no desire to return to class."

"But Lily, I've just got to see the Marauders' expressions when they hear that someone thinks I have a talented mouth and body."

"That's _not_ what I meant!" she shrieked, horrified that he'd taken the compliment in a completely different direction.

"Oh stop looking so prudish, woman, that's not what _I_ meant either."

The red-haired witch breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. See, Lupe, you're a sweet guy, and rather attractive…okay, fine, I admit it! I can't lie, you're one of the most fuckable, sexy guys around..." Remus' eyes widened in complete astonishment and his mouth dropped open. "Not to mention smart, funny, and did I mention sweet? Anyway, my point is, I'm in love with someone else."

A long silence stretched. "I'm sorry, Remus."

Then… "You think I'm _fuckable_!" the werewolf demanded incredulously.

"Of course."

"Are you insane?"

"No, not when I last checked. Why?"

"Because I'm far from sexy."

Lily scoffed. "Right, and I am James Potter's wife."

"Hello Mrs. Potter, and how are you doing this fine day?"

Lily replied sarcastically, "Potter's mom is here? Where?" She achieved a confused look as she swiveled her head in a mock attempt to locate said mother.

"Very funny," Remus huffed.

"I thought so. Why can't you accept the truth, Remus? I'm sorry if it bothers you, but you have this magnetism- your shaggy golden hair hanging in your swirling caramel eyes, your half-smile, that silky eyebrow arch- can I say yum? And then there's your real smile, I mean wow! And don't get me started on your ass…"

Remus' hands immediately shielded his delectable derriere from view. "_My ass_?" he squeaked.

Lily nodded emphatically. "Did you know you have the best ass in the whole entire school?" At his aghast expression, she continued. "No, really, it's even better than Potter's and Black's. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Buy a mirror for god's sake."

"Um, I know this is a bit off topic here…" And Remus was desperate to get off topic. "…but how did we start this conversation?"

"Uh, I think you smiled at me. Then I said you were talented with both verbal and body lingo. Then you wanted to brag about it. Then…I think we got confused somewhere around there and I called you sexy."

"Oh."

"Want me to start talking about The Plan, Lupe?"

He nodded vigorously. "Anything is preferable right now…"

"Alright, I solemnly swear that as long as we're acquaintances, I will never call you sexy again. I forgot what an introvert you are."

"Sorry."

"Don't be, it's part of your appeal…you're definitely incomparable, Lupe."

"Thanks."

"So, about our meeting…"

-

"Now that it's clear who's dominating the meeting…"

"I still think you should do most of the talking," Remus grumbled, his heart already racing. "I hate being the center of a huge crowd. That's more Sirius' bag, you know," he added absently.

"Aw come on, Remus, it's your plan, it's a good plan, and the girls will be doing this for you, not me," Lily wheedled. "Besides, you've got to get used to the attention. These girls are supposed to be love-stricken-Remus-Lupin-undie-identity-seekers, am I right? If they agree, they'll be fawning all over you."

"Fine, fine. I'm sorry I even said anything, it's just that even thinking about those- wait, what did you call them? 'Undie-identity-seekers'?" He gave her an incredulous look, and she snickered.

"Are you criticizing my codename for the girls? You, the man who came up with the codename 'The Plan' for his devious plot, are criticizing me?" The snickers turned into unrestrained laughter. "Right, I can see how you have _plenty_ of room for creative criticism."

Remus huffed, amusement clear in his amber gaze. "Oh, shut up. This argument is finished. Besides, I think class is about over anyway and I left my bag…_again_." The two opened the portrait, which still held an anxious but sparkly-eyed Dumbledore in the frame who waved, and they waved back before walking down to the Transfiguration classroom, chatting easily.

"Me too, let's head down there and pick them up. Maybe if McGonagall's not there then we won't have to get the homework," she added wistfully.

"Dream on, darling." Stopping outside the classroom, Remus cracked open the door on its silent hinges and peeked in, letting out a heavy sigh as he realized class was still in session.

"Still going, eh?" Lily whispered, lips brushing against his ear and Remus jumped half a foot, knocking into the redhead and sending them both tumbling onto McGonagall's threshold. Everyone stared and poor Remus, what with his oversensitive reactions, blushed harder than he'd ever blushed in his life, feeling lightheaded. "Klutz," his- friend? Acquaintance? Partner In Crime?- mumbled, rubbing her sore tailbone.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin, Ms. Evans- I'm so glad you've decided to return to my class, however clumsily that entrance was…you'll be disappointed to know that I was just about to release them." Her voice was dry and full of humor, her eyes sharp and glinting slightly, as though she was amused.

"Well, damn," Lily mumbled sarcastically, flushing herself when McGonagall gave her a piercing look. _Obviously she's not old enough to be deaf_, Lily thought._ Well double damn!_

"We'll just collect our homework and our bags then," Remus managed, still flooded with mortification.

"Mmm-hmm," McGonagall muttered absently, turning back to her class. "Three rolls of parchment on why it is dangerous to have unregistered Animagi due next class."

Remus' eyes widened, sparing a glance at two of his fellow Marauders who, as usual, weren't paying the slightest bit of attention. The classroom emptied out quickly and the next thing Remus knew Sirius was shoving his bag into his hand and maneuvering him out the door. Lily shot him a wink and mouthed "Good luck, I'll see you later." He nodded before somehow ending up out the door and moving down the hall. James had grabbed his elbow and was steering him away from the classroom, Sirius following with a silent stare.

"What's your problem, guys? Lemme go!"

"What's wrong Remus? Why have you been acting so, well, strange today?" James demanded his face filled with frustrated.

"Yeah, Rem. Is this about your dad?"

James groaned as Remus froze. "Why would this be about my dad?" he ventured cautiously, looking apprehensive.

"Damn you Padfoot, we weren't going to say anything until he was one hundred percent better, remember?" Sirius cursed under his breath and Remus' heartbeat grew more and more uneasy.

"What's going on?"

James elbowed Sirius with another glare and Sirius faced the werewolf. "Moony, we…we know about your dad."

"Know what?" Remus' voice was surprisingly calm despite the muscle pulsing at his jaw.

James tried to explain. "That he...well, that he mistreats you…"

"You don't know what you're talking about," he grumbled, amber eyes shining molten gold. His body was rigid and unyielding. "You must've made a mistake."

Sirius looked at him sadly. "There is no mistake. Moony, why didn't you tell us? We could've…"

"Could've what?" the werewolf interrupted harshly. "Could've felt sorry for me? Could've babied me? Could've told someone? What could you have possibly done for me?"

"Anything. Anything to make it better."

"This is as good as it gets," Remus announced with a frantic wave of his arms, looking down on them with disdain. "Do you actually think that anyone would give a filthy werewolf a real home? Do you _actually_ think I would have just lived happily ever after if only I'd told someone? Because if so, you need to lose the rose-tinted glasses." Remus whirled around, ready for his grand exit but to no avail. He turned, glaring at Sirius' hand which had latched itself onto his thin arm. He growled low in his throat.

"Come on, Remus. This isn't you!"

"You don't know _me_." Wrenching his arm free with a snarl, Remus stormed away.

"Well, that went splendidly, Padfoot!" Sirius hung his head. "Really, I meant to ask, how does your foot taste?"

"Shut up already Prongs, god!"

"Um, guys? Can I suggest you stop fighting amongst yourselves? Because it definitely isn't getting you anywhere." Lily gave them each a shrewd look, annoyed when they gave her a blank stare. "Oh really, it's the second time he's flounced away today, aren't _one_ of you going to go after him?"

"What's happened to him Lily?" James asked, his eyes pleading for information. Lily's face softened because of the concern coming from the Head Boy and she nodded hesitantly.

"He accidentally ingested moonflower." When that statement met blank stares, Lily groaned and turned on her heel, going to meet Remus for lunch. "Go look it up."

"What is with everyone storming off today?" Sirius demanded irritably. "Moony's stormed out on us twice, ditched us at breakfast, and tried to ditch us again before Transfiguration…Pricilla smacked me and flounced out not five minutes after Rem at breakfast, and now, Lily Evans!"

"Huh?" James mumbled, tearing his eyes away from Lily's disappearing figure. When Sirius glared at him, he sighed heavily. "Sorry. She just…I don't know, sometimes she just gets me."

"In a good way?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well now that you're finished _not_ paying attention…"

"You wish Padfoot," James mumbled.

Sirius continued on like he hadn't heard the interruption. "…may I suggest we go look up moonflower in something?"

"To the library?" James asked with a grimace, distractedly brushing his fringe away from his eyes.

Sirius put on a brave, determined expression. "To the library!"


End file.
